last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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