Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
