There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
