Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
