I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
