dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
