we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
