i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
