Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
