If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize