Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
3 2 1 whiskey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
