Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
