Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so let's talk penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
