I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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