plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
