He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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