Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
