Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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