The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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