then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize