I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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