That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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