Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
