do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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