But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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