Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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