Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
