I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
