Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
is that a dick in a sweater?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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