dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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