Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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