All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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