did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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