Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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