we made out on top of his cat.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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