Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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