The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
