I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
