My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
