people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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