HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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