Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This house was built for laser tag.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
