And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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