We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
