i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
