well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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