I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
