just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
