was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
