my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
