had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize