Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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