its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
