I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
