Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
