I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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