just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize