I want to make a zoo with you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
