I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
