One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
