Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
