i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
