It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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