just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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