No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize