Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
