the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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