I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
