I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
