listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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