Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
