I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
