Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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